Bad: You can't find your vibrator. Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it.
Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room. Worse: You're in it.
Bad: Your children are sexually active. Worse: With each other.
Bad: Your husband's a crossdresser. Worse: He looks better than you.
Bad: Your son's involved in Satanism. Worse: As a sacrifice.
Bad: Your wife wants a divorce. Worse: She's a lawyer.
Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: For another woman.
Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting. Worse: She implicates you.

Good: Hot outdoor sex. Bad: You're arrested. Worse: By your husband.
Good: The teacher likes your son. Bad: Sexually. Worse: He's gay.
Good: You came home for a quickie. Bad: So did the postman.
Good: You came home for a quickie. Bad: Your wife walks in.
Good: You get a three-day weekend. Bad: You get the flu on Friday.
Good: You go to see a strip show. Bad: Your daughter's the headliner.
Good: Your boyfriend's exercising. Bad: So he'll fit in your clothes.
Good: Your child's "waiting for Mr. Right". Bad: Your son, that is.
Good: Your daughter's on the Pill. Bad: She's eleven.
Good: Your son's doing extra credit work. Bad: Making a sex ed video.
Good: Your uncle leaves you a fortune. Bad: It's counterfeit.
Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex. Bad: You live downtown.
Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude. Bad: She's coming home.
Good: Your wife's kinky. Bad: With the neighbors. Worse: All of them
Good: Your 7 year-old daughter cooked her first meal, fish filet. Bad: Your $5000 tropical aquarium is empty.
Good: Your hair stopped falling out. Bad: You have none left.
Good: You got finally your Viagra prescription! Bad: Nobody is interested in sleeping with you.

Good: Viagra has greatly improved your sex life. Bad: You're George Michael.
Good: There's a new pill to improve women's sex life. Bad: It only makes your partner appear to be good looking.

Good: You found the Viagra pill you dropped on the floor. Bad: Your dog ate it. Worse: He REALLY likes your leg.
Good: You finally meet the girl of your dreams from the chat room! Bad: She is 13 years old. Worse: 'Her' name is Jason.
Good: You won First Prize! Bad: In the Pet/Owner Look-Alike contest. Worse: Your pet is a pot-belly pig.
Good: Your daughter has a new hobby. Bad: Body piercing. Worse: Your cat now wears earrings.
Good: Your computer stopped making that annoying sound. Bad: Your hard drive crashed. Worse: One day out of warranty.
Good: Your Lottery numbers finally won - $26 million! Bad: Your wife has the ticket. Worse: She left with the pool guy... You don't have a pool.

Bad: You're caught by the boss having sex in the office. Worse: With his daughter.
Bad: You find naked pictures of your daughter. Worse: On the Internet.
Bad: Your wife screams during sex. Worse: When you come in the room.
Bad: You catch your wife cheating. Worse: With the husband of your mistress.