Humour@TheAtomicMoose.ca: CyberSex

Subjects

CyberSex

CyberSex - the true picture

Wellhung

Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart

I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36.  What do you look like?

Wellhung

I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells  funny.

Sweetheart

I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung

OK.

Sweetheart

We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung

I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart

I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung

Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart

I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung

I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart

I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung

My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart

That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung

I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart

Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breathe harder and harder.

Wellhung

I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck.  Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart

I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing  the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My  nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung

How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the  clasp.

Sweetheart

I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung

I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts.  They're neat!

Sweetheart

I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung

I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart

What?

Wellhung

I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart

I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung

I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart

OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung

I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart

I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung

I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart

What's the matter?

Wellhung

I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart

Are you OK?

Wellhung

I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart

Can I help?

Wellhung

I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart

In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung

I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart

Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung

I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart

I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung

I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart

Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung

I found it.

Sweetheart

I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung

Me too.

Sweetheart

Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies  pressing each other.

Wellhung

Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart

Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung

OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart

I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung

I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and  toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart

Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung

I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart

I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung

I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I  can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart

What's the matter now?

Wellhung

I've realised that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart

Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung

OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart

Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung

I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your  neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart

I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in!  Screw me now!

Wellhung

I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart

What?

Wellhung

I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart

I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung

I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy.  I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart

No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my  underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung

No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table.  I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart

I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung

I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our  candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it,  a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart

Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung

Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

Sweetheart

<logged off>

Back