Humour@TheAtomicMoose.ca: VOODOO DICK

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VOODOO DICK

A guy has a wife who is so horny and bored all the time that he knows she will be fooling around while he is gone on a business trip. So before he leaves, he goes to an adult toy store to find something that might keep her occupied while he's away. He looks around and sees all the usual, dildos and such. But he needs something special. So he asks the vendor if he has anything special. The vendor says, Well, I do have "VOODOO DICK."

The man tells him to let him see the voodoo dick. The vendor brings out a box and opens it. The man looks in and says, "That's just a regular old dildo. What's so special about it?"

The vendor says, "Watch." He looks at the dildo and says, "VOODOO DICK, KEYHOLE."

The voodoo dick floats out of the box and over to the door and starts screwing the keyhole. Its thrusting and pumping so much that the whole door is quaking and it even starts to crack. The vendor says, "VOODOO DICK, ENOUGH." At that, the voodoo dick floats across the room and deposits itself back in the box.

"I must have it!" cries the man. He knows this is exactly what his wife needs while he is gone. At first the vendor says it's too dangerous and it isn't for sale, but eventually the man talks him into selling it to him for $700. He takes it home and gives it to his wife all wrapped pretty in gold and ribbons and tells her that this gift will keep her happy for hours and hours.

"It just looks like a dildo to me," she says.

He replies: "After I'm gone, if you get bored, simply say to the voodoo dick---VOODOO DICK, MY PUSSY." He kisses her good-bye and leaves for his business trip.

After awhile, the wife gets bored. She starts thinking about all the men she could invite over to have a good time. Then she remembers her husband's gift and figures she'll give it a try. She opens the box and says, "VOODOO DICK, MY PUSSY." The voodoo dick arises from the box, sticks itself into her and starts screwing the hell out of her.

It's thrusting and pumping and thrusting and pumping for hours and she just loves it. After she's had about 6 or 7 orgasms, she decides she's finished.

But the voodoo dick won't come out! She grabs it as hard as she can but she can't get it out for anything! It just keeps thrusting and pumping and screwing. Desperate, she gets her clothes on and manages to get out to her car thinking she'll drive to the Emergency Room and have the doctors help her get this voodoo dick out. But the voodoo dick keeps on screwing her as she's driving so that she's weaving all over the place and having orgasms and just about drives off the road.

Then a policeman stops her. "What do you think you're doing?" he asks her.

She says, "Officer please....I've got to get to the hospital. This voodoo dick is inside me and I can't get it out and it keeps screwing me and that's why I almost drove off the road."

The officer looks at her and says with disgust: "Yah right. VOODOO DICK, MY ASS."

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