Humour@TheAtomicMoose.ca: A Starfleet Captain Might be considered a Redneck if...

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A Starfleet Captain Might be considered a Redneck if...

1) - your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
2) - he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
3) - you have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"
4) - he refers to any intelligent alien race as "critters"
5) - he refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"
6) - he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil
7) - he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section
8) - he says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"
9) - he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen
10)- he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
11)- he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it
12)- he says "Yea Haw! Let's get this puppy movin!!!" instead of "Engage"
13)- he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser
14)- he insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba"
15)- he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"
16)- he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens
17)- he paints the starship John Deere green with racing stripes
18)- he refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"
19)- he refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"
20)- his moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale
21)- he sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"
22)- his idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls
23)- he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge
24)- his idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans and weenies
25)- he sets phaser to "Cajun"
26)- he has ordered the Chief Engineer to dig out the jumper cables
27)- the warp reactor is coated in duct tape, Bond-O, and Super-Glu
28)- he orders the Sickbay to carry castor oil and turpentine
29)- he lights his cigarettes with his laser pistol
30)- he keeps livestock in the cargo bay
31)- he refers to the Kobiyashi Maru test as "the best target practice I ever had."
32)- he orders the ship into timewarp so he can have another go at the "Tuesday Night All-You-Can-Eat Ribs" buffet
33)- the ship, all the shuttlecraft, and the ship's mascot are all named after his favorite movie actresses

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