Humour@TheAtomicMoose.ca: The Stages of Life

Subjects

The Stages of Life

THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE

AGEDRINK
17beer
25beer
35vodka
48double vodka
66Maalox
SEDUCTION LINE
17My parents are away for the weekend.
25My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48My wife is away for the weekend.
66My second wife is dead.
FAVORITE SPORT
17sex
25sex
35sex
48sex
66napping
DRUG
17pot
25coke
35really good coke
48power
66coke, a limousine, the company jet
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17"tongue"
25"breakfast"
35"She didn't set back my therapy."
48"I didn't have to meet her kids."
66"Got home alive."
FAVORITE FANTASY
17getting to third
25airplane sex
35menage a trois
48taking the company public
66Swiss maid/Nazi love slave
HOUSE PET
17roaches
25stoned-out college roommate
35Irish setter
48children from his first marriage
66Barbi
WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
1725
2535
3548
4866
6617
IDEAL DATE
17Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
25"Split the check before we go back to my place"
35"Just come over."
48"Just come over and cook."
66sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.

THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE

AGEDRINK
17Wine Coolers
25White wine
35Red wine
48Dom Perignon
66Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17Need to wash my hair
25Need to wash and condition my hair
35Need to color my hair
48Need to have Francois color my hair
66Need to have Francois color my wig
FAVORITE SPORT
17shopping
25shopping
35shopping
48shopping
66shopping
DRUG
17shopping
25shopping
35shopping
48shopping
66shopping
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17"Burger King"
25"Free meal"
35"A diamond"
48"A bigger diamond"
66"Home Alone"
FAVORITE FANTASY
17tall, dark and handsome
25tall, dark and handsome with money
35tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48a man with hair
66a man
HOUSE PET
17Muffy the cat
25Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
35Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
48Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
66Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat
WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
1717
2525
3535
4848
6666
IDEAL DATE
17He offers to pay
25He pays
35He cooks breakfast the next morning
48He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66He can chew breakfast
Back