It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do however realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers, therefore, a list of preferred new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

New and Preferred Phrase * Old Phrase

Perhaps I can work late....
* When the hell do you expect me to do this?

I'm certain that is not feasible.....
* No fucking way

* You've got to be shitting me

Perhaps you should check with ...
* Tell someone who gives a shit

Of course I'm concerned...
* Ask me if I give a shit

I wasn't involved in that project!
* Its not my fucking problem

That's interesting behavior?!
* What the fuck?!?!

I'm not sure I can implement this...
* Screw it, it won't work

I'll try to schedule that.....
* Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner

Are you certain this is a problem?
* Who gives a rat's ass

He's not familiar with the problem....
* He's got no freakin' clue

Excuse me sir?
* Eat shit and die

So you weren't happy with it?
*Kiss my ass

I'm a bit overloaded at this moment....
* Fuck it, I'm on salary

I don't think you understand....
* Shove it

I love a challenge!
* This job sucks

You want me to take care of that?
* Who died and made you boss

I see....
* Bite me

Yes, we really should discuss it....
* Another fucking meeting!!!!

I don't think this will be a problem....
* I really don't give a shit

He's somewhat insensitive...
* He's a fucking moron

She's an aggressive go-getter....
*She's a ball busting bitch

I think you could use more training....
* You have no idea what the hell you're doing