Humour@TheAtomicMoose.ca: Mental Institute

Subjects

Mental Institute

Have you seen the transcript of the message on the answering machine of the Mental Health Institute?

"Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline
- if you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
- if you are a co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
- if you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
- if you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
- If you are delusional, press 7, and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship.
- If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
- If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press...no one will answer.
- If you are dyslexic press 6969696969696969696
- If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
- If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000
- If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Or before the beep.
- If you have short term memory loss, please try again later.
- If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are far too busy to talk to you."



Back