Humour@TheAtomicMoose.ca: McDonnell Douglas warranty info card

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McDonnell Douglas warranty info card

McDonnell Douglas warranty info card


This was actually posted--very briefly--on McDonnell Douglas's Web site by an employee working there who (obviously) has a sense of humor. The company's executive management does not--and the Web department was told to take this item off the Web site immediately. (In case you don't know: McDonnell Douglas is one of the world's chief suppliers of military aircraft....)

AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES
Important! Important!
Please fill out and mail this card
within 10 days of purchase.


Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1. _Mr. _Mrs. _Ms. _Miss_Lt. _Gen. _Comrade_Classified _Other

First Name:
Initial:
Last Name:
Password:
Code Name:
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude:

2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?

_F-14 Tomcat
_F-15 Eagle
_F-16 Falcon
_F-117A Stealth
_Classified


3. Date of purchase (Month/Day/Year)

4. Serial Number:

5. Please check where this product was purchased:

_Received as gift/aid package
_Catalog showroom
_Sleazy arms broker
_Mail order
_Discount store
_Government surplus
_Classified

6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:

_Heard loud noise, looked up
_Store display
_Espionage
_Recommended by friend/relative/ally
_Political lobbying by manufacturer
_Was attacked by one

7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

_Style/appearance
_Kickback/bribe
_Recommended by salesperson
_Speed/maneuverability
_Comfort/convenience
_McDonnell Douglas reputation
_Advanced Weapons Systems
_Price/value
_Backroom politics
_Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:

_North America
_Central/South America
_Aircraft carrier
_Europe
_Middle East
_Africa
_Asia/Far East
_Misc. Third World countries
_Classified

9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:

_Color TV
_VCR
_ICBM
_Killer Satellite
_CD Player
_Air-to-Air Missiles
_Space Shuttle
_Home Computer
_Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Check all that apply:)

_Communist/Socialist
_Terrorist
_Crazed
_Neutral
_Democratic
_Dictatorship
_Corrupt
_Primitive/Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

_Cash
_Suitcases of cocaine
_Oil revenues
_Deficit spending
_Personal check
_Credit card
_Ransom money
_Traveler's check

12. Your occupation:

_Homemaker
_Sales/marketing
_Revolutionary
_Clerical
_Mercenary
_Tyrant
_Middle management
_Eccentric billionaire
_Defense Minister/General
_Retired
_Student

13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:

_Golf
_Boating/sailing
_Sabotage
_Running/jogging
_Propaganda/disinformation
_Destabilization/overthrow
_Default on loans
_Gardening
_Crafts
_Black market/smuggling
_Collectibles/collections
_Watching sports on TV
_Wines
_Interrogation/torture
_Household pets
_Crushing rebellions
_Espionage/reconnaissance
_Fashion clothing
_Border disputes
_Mutually Assured Destruction

Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future -- as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:

McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION, Marketing Department,
Military Aerospace Division, P.O. Box 800, St. Louis, MO, USA
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