Farm Yard Johnnie & more


Farm Yard Johnnie & more

Farm Yard Johnnie

A primary school teacher decided to expand the horizons of her students. During the visit to a nearby farm, she challenged the children to raise their hands up if they knew the correct sound made by each animal.

"Who knows what sound a cow makes?" she asked.

Cindie willingly and politely raised her hand and said, "Moooo!"

"Very good, Cindie," replied the teacher, "and what sound do sheep make?"

"Baaaa," answered Jimmy. She continued this for a while. Then she asked, "And what sound does a pig make?"

All the children in the class raised their hands all at once! She was surprised at the response.

"Lil' Johnnie, go ahead and tell us the sound the pig makes," she encouraged.

He composed himself took a deep breath and bellowed, "Up against the wall and spread 'em, you little thief!!"

Car Trouble

My wife came home yesterday and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is." I asked her what it was and she told me it has water in the carburetor.

I thought for a moment, then said, "You know I don't mean this badly, but you don't know the carburetor from the accelerator."

"No, there's definitely water in the carburetor" she insisted.

"OK, Honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?"

"In the lake."

Forgive me Father

There once was a young woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."

The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."

The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."

The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice."

The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"

The Priest said "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."

One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $2000 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny's father said, "Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas."

Christmas came around, and Johnny asked again.The father said, "Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask me again some other time." Well, about 2 days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase.

The father felt sorry for him, and asked him why he was leaving. The boy said, "Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and DAMN if I'll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"